


Broken Girl

by mannypanic13



Category: Original - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Death, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Hurt, Other, original - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-12 01:51:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15985058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mannypanic13/pseuds/mannypanic13
Summary: Sally Larnes was your average outgoing teenager. Until one day she returned home from hanging out with her friends to find her sister nearly dead on their bedroom floor. Now she has to fight the haunting memories of her dead sister, the blame she put on herself, battle depression and dark thoughts. Will she get help? Who will help her before its too late? Will she end up with the same fate of her sister?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I uploaded this on Quotev it's one of my older works.

My life is like waves. Always moving, never stopping even when it seemed calm, it still moved. And I drowned in my ocean. I guess my story starts here.  
Laughing with my friend, leaving them behind and at my door, waving to them as they drove away. My home was small, two bedrooms, two bathrooms (one was located in my parents' room) type of house. Smiling as I walked to the kitchen noticing that it was quiet. I grabbed a water bottle and started drinking from it, waling to my room thinking nothing of anything. I noticed my door has opened a fraction. Maybe, my sister, Lisa was at home. I opened the door more and noticed she was on the floor. She looked asleep.

“Lisa?” I called out sitting on the floor, her eyes cracked open. She looked high. That’s when I noticed a pill bottle was next to her. I grabbed it and read the label, Xanax. “What have you done?” My voice cracked up as she slowly set her arm on my knee.  
I reached over to my phone call for an ambulance. Everything was such a blur. Her eyes slowly losing light, her eyes looked dead. Why didn’t I notice it before? Am I that bad of a little sister?

“I’m sorry…I couldn’t-“ I cried out when her eyes closed.

Sirens in the distances, staring out in the distance as I saw my older sister being carried off, it was too late. Maybe if I came home earlier I could have saved her. Both mom and dad ran out of the car as soon as they parked. They ran to Lisa’s body as I stood at the door. Rain pouring down on me, on all of us but, we didn’t care. We didn’t think twice about the rain. Was Lisa crying out to us in the afterlife? Was she shedding her tears down on us?  
I felt numb. 

Days passed and it was finally Lisa’s funeral. I still have the memories of her eyes. Her eyes used to shine so brightly. Her eyes were full of sadness and they soon faded into a depth of darkness, so lifeless. Her skin turned pale, cold. Her hand becoming limp as I held onto it, screaming out to her; she was my best friend. We could have been twins if it wasn’t for the fact we were born two years apart.  
How did I not notice? It’s my fault. I should have noticed. 

I laid a single orange rose next to her body, her favorite rose color. I smiled lightly whispered to her, how sorry I was. I looked over to see my mother crying into a tissue and father holding her tightly. He kept a façade up, trying to not to cry. He tried to be strong for mother and me but we all can see through it.

I slowly walked away from Lisa’s body so more family and friends could see her once more. This was it. I will never see her again. I will never hear her stories of sneaking off to some party or with some boy. I will never see her smile again. Hear her laughter, her voice.

Her body was taken to the cemetery to be buried; we followed the casket and watched it being put inside of the Earth. Once they started to put the dirt over her, I left. I couldn’t stay any longer. It was all too much for me.

I sat on my bed staring over at my sister’s bed. It was still messy; the Cosmic magazine was still open on her bed. Her posters, her pictures all still there like before. I still felt like she’s going to walk in the door and say “You can’t believe what happened to me!” She was so fun of adventure. There was so much she wanted to do. She wanted to go to London, Paris, and Rome. She wanted to party and have fun. That was her. We were opposites but we had a lot in common.  
I miss you.

I closed my eyes and let my body fall asleep.

I heard nothing. It was so quiet in this dark room. It was complete darkness. I saw, heard and felt nothing.

“Where am I?” I asked myself out loud. My arms stretched out in front of me as I searched for something, anything! I heard a slight sound that’s when I tripped. I looked behind me to see light. It was a dim light over me. And when I noticed what I tripped over I screamed. There was Lisa, dead.

I backed up but backed into something or someone. “You didn’t save me. Why?” Lisa. Lisa cried out, asking for help. “Why? Don’t you love me?”

Her voice-I can’t even explain it. It was full of sadness and pain. I did nothing. But could I do anything to help her? I could have come home earlier instead of telling more I was coming home an hour later. I could have helped and I didn’t. It was really my fault.


	2. Chapter Two

That dream seemed to haunt me. I had no energy to move, to talk, and to eat. Its summer time so no school. I will be a senior. Lisa won’t be there to see me get my diploma when I dress up for prom. Nothing.

Pictures lay across the floor; pictures of my sister, Lisa and her friends, Lisa and me, Lisa and family, school events. Everything and anything about her I could find. My parents were out with family trying to recover and I stayed home because I choose this was how I will deal with it.

It was my fault.  
My knees pulled up my chest as I shed some more tears but, only a few escapes. It was like I couldn’t cry no more. I slowly stood up and walked to the bathroom that was located across the hall. Plain white walls, white floors, white toilet, the only thing that had color were the curtain. Lisa and I had an addiction to Hello Kitty. So our curtain was Hello Kitty theme. He had some soap pump and a few towels of Hello Kitty.

I grabbed a hold of some of Lisa’s old razors and held onto it. I stared at it. This was the first thing I will be throwing away that was my sisters. It was used so it wasn’t like I would use it. I sigh as I tossed it in the Star Wars trash can that was placed next to the toilet.

I looked over at myself in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot; my brown eyes look darker than usual at the moment from the dim lighting. My hair was in knots, from yesterday’s hairspray and some bobby pins still lay in my hair. My hair was a mess. I looked over at the shower and sighed, taking out the last bit of the bobby pins. I got undress and stepping into the tub to start my shower. The steam cleared my head, my fingers massage my scalp. I went to grab the soap and noticed Lisa’s soap. Japanese Cherry Blossoms; I loved the smell of it. I grabbed a hold of the shampoo and decided to use it.

Dressed in black yoga pants and a dark navy blue tank top, “Maybe I should take a short walk.” Making sure I have my phone and my house, I walked out of the door. I made sure to text my parents so they didn’t freak out when they came back home.  
I didn’t know where I was going but I followed my feet.

About ten minutes later I showed up at a small bridge. It was a stone bridge where Lisa and I use to hang out all the time. I looked up at the clouds, they were gray but that didn’t mean it was going to rain. Lisa always thought that the clouds had meaning, besides rain. She believed an angel lived on a cloud and they on that cloud and watched over whoever they loved, someone they had left here on Earth.

I’m not a religious person but, what if hell was real; I heard suicide meant you go there. So would Lisa be in hell?  
I heard someone sneeze walking by me, “Bless you.” I spoke out.

“Thanks.” The mystery girl smiled as she walked up next to me. “Nice day, right?” She hopped up on the side of the bridge.  
“Yeah.” It was all that I could manage out. I wanted to be friendly and open myself up but, I just couldn’t do it. Why? Is it because I feel bad? Maybe I don’t deserve to be happy, to have friends. What about Lisa? What happened to all her friends?

“Hey! My names Sarah; what’s yours?” Sarah asked me as I looked up at hers. She had pretty olive green eyes. Her hair was a light brown color with blonde strikes through it.

“Sally.”

“Sally? Nice name. Reminds me of Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas! Amazing movie.” Sarah seems happy. I nod my head agreeing with her.  
“Are you okay? You seem sad.” Sarah says putting a hang on my shoulder.

“I’m fine.” I shrugged her hand off my shoulder. “It was nice meeting you,” I mumbled as I turned and walked away. I didn’t get far when I heard a “Wait!” I slowly turned around to see her running towards me. It’s when I noticed what she was wearing. She wore short denim shorts, a black tank top with ‘Love’ written across it and a light see-through button-up shirt; that wasn’t button up.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t like seeing sad people. I know! Let’s go get some Lattes or something, on me.” She smiled brightly.  
I smiled lightly, “Yeah that sounds awesome.”

With that, we walked off to the closest Dunkin Donuts. We both order a Medium Latte with sugar. They both sat down in a booth in the corner. I didn’t really know this Sarah but maybe; maybe we can be friends. 

Around five thirty, I came home seeing that my parents were home also. I walked in looking over towards the kitchen to see mom on the phone which I’m guessing ordering pizza. Dad was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the news. “Sally. Sit down we want to speak to you.” Mom said as she hangs the phone up and grabbed me by the hand and took me to the living room where dad was.

“Yes?” I cock my head to the side a little, wondering what they had to talk about. We haven’t talked since the morning of Lisa’s death.  
“I know you and your sister are close. “ I stopped her. I couldn’t let her continue. Regret, guilt it started to bubble up more and more.  
“Mom, stop please.” I say as I got up from the couch.

“We need to talk about this!” Mom got up also. Dad sat there staring at the two of us. He never was really good at arguments between mom and us…Lisa and I.  
“No we don’t! I don’t want to talk about it.” I say I march to my room, a few tears slowly came down my eyes. Within a matter of minutes, tears poured from my eyes.  
“She will come to us when she’s ready.” I heard dad said to mom. I was glad dad didn't push the issue.

When dinner came I didn’t feel like eating, I just sat in my room staring out my window, looking up at the stars above and the moon. The moon was so beautiful, so bright. I laid my head on my knees facing down.

I feel like Lisa is in the room with me, angry with me. I could have saved her. Why didn’t I? I slowly lay back on my bed and looked over at her bed. It was still messy. No one touched it. I don’t think no one will.

I got up slowly and walked over to her bed and lightly felt her bed. It was good. No warmth. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, closing my eyes. It felt like she was there, lying on her bed. I opened my eyes slowly and I let out a small squeak.

There she was. She was there lying on her bed her eyes slightly open like when she died. “Why.” She cried out. I cried backing up on my bed sitting on my bed as I see her body disappeared.  
“I’m sorry,” I whispered over and over again.


	3. Chapter Three

It’s been a week since Lisa’s death. She is always in the back of my mind. Every time I turn around I see her. I see her in my dreams, she’s haunting me. I barely left my room at all in the week. Sarah has been trying to get a hold of me but, I just can’t. I can’t bring myself to text back. I felt like I don’t deserve to make myself happy.

It was sunny and bright out today. It was like outside was calling for me to go back out and run around. I just can’t.  
I heard a knock at my bedroom door, looking over to see my mom popping her head in. “Hey, sweetie.” She says gently like I could break any minute now. She walked over to me and sat on my bed. She stared at Lisa’s still messy bed. “I was wondering maybe you and I can go shopping?” She asked.

I guess it would be okay to go out for a bit. So I nod my head to mom and she smiled. Lisa defiantly got her smile. It was bright and only her one tooth was crooked. I shook my head as I got dressed in clean clothes, and walked to the door where mom was waiting for me.

A few hours later I came home with mom with groceries and a few bags of new clothes. I only had a few pairs of shorts so I got more. I sat back in my room walking up to my window. I started out of the window seeing my neighbors’ house and words that surrounded it.

I saw my reflection in my window to see bags under my eyes and it seemed my face was thinner. I walked over to the mirror that was behind my door and noticed I was indeed losing weight. How much have I ate in the last week, maybe one meal a day; lunch. We use to have dinner together. Mom, dad, Lisa, and I. It was always fun joking around and making fun of whoever cooked for the night. But, since Lisa died I just couldn’t do it. It felt awkward for me. Every time mom brings me food at least I threw it out the window and put the plate in the sink without her knowing.

Around dinner time I was asleep but I woke up suddenly when I heard a loud scream; mom. I jumped up running to the kitchen to see mom in the living room over dad. He was clenching his chest. While mom was panicking I grabbed the house phone and called the ambulance. It was like a flashback to Lisa’s death. Everything was moving so fast, everything was getting blurry.

Soon the ambulance showed up once again. This time dad was still alive and they sent him to the hospital. Mom and I rode in the car, this was the first time I texted Sarah. I wanted to talk to someone new, someone who I didn’t know so well.

I then realized none of my friends contacted me since Lisa’s death. Never asked how I was doing or anything. Were they my real friends? I’m not so sure anymore.  
At the hospital mom ran into Dad’s room but, I just couldn’t bring myself to see him. Not like this. I was afraid if I went in there he would die. I felt like I was bringer of death or something.

“Sally!” I heard my name being called and I was surprised to see Sarah running towards me. “What are you doing here?” I asked her rather confused, very confused.  
“To see you, of course. I’m your friend and I need to be here for you. So why aren’t you in there with him?” She asked him as I looked down at my tennis shoes, shaking my head.

“Because I don’t want to be in there. I don’t want to see him like that. I-I feel like if I go in there he will, he will.” I couldn’t finish my sentence and as that the tears flowed and Sarah’s room wrapped around my shoulder as her head laid on my shoulder.

“It will be okay. You will be okay.” She looked down at me, “Are you feeling okay? You look skinnier then the last time I saw you.” She says as I shook my head.  
“I’m not so sure, anymore,” I whispered to her. She grabbed a hold of my shoulders and looked straight into my eyes. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped once mom came over.

“Sweetie, you should see your father. They say, he might not make it.” She whispered trying to not break down in front of me. I looked over to Sarah and she nods her head towards me. Mom stood outside with Sarah as I walked inside of dad’s room.

“Dad?” I heard my voice cracked as I called out to him. I walked over to his bedside and as I walked over there I grabbed a hold of his hand. His hand was getting cold and I shook with fear. Fear, that I know what was happening.

“Don’t worry baby girl,” Dad whispered as he looked over me. His eyes, they look so dead, so lifeless. Why is this happening all the sudden? Did he have a heart attack or what?

Is he going to leave me and mom like Lisa did?


	4. Chapter Four

"Yeah, I'm Okay." 

It was the thing I have been repeating over and over again to the nurses, the doctors, Sarah, and mom.  
I sat in the waiting room, I felt so numb. Sarah sat next to me on my right. She held my mind hand tightly. Is he dead, you ask? Your answer to that is yes he is. A heart attack and a stroke at the same time, I never thought of that to be possible but, it was. I thought it took care of himself, I thought he was healthy. What’s next? Will mom die? Is this a sign?

His eyes, lifeless just like Lisa’s were when she died. Was this my fault too? Maybe, maybe it was all the stress from Lisa’s death. I wish I had dinner with dad and Lisa one more time. I wish I hanging out with dad one more time.

Tears once again began to fall as I quickly wiped them away as Sarah rubbed my back. Mom finally got up as she motions me and Sarah to follow her. Home, I guess where we were heading to. As we walked to the car mom told Sarah to call her home and tell her, she’s staying with us for the night. I looked confused at mom.  
“So she can here for you. You can’t do this alone. You won’t open up to me so you’re going to have a friend with you.” She put a hand on my shoulder and then hugged me tightly, “I know, you’re a teenager and you want to hold everything up but, you can’t. It will destroy you. I also understand I’m your mother and it’s not easy to talk to your parents. I have been there once.” She whispered as she kissed my temple and let go of me.

Sarah and I sat in the back of the car; it was quiet on the drive home. Once in a while, there were sniffles but mom broke the silence. “So let’s go somewhere to eat. In honor of dad and Lisa. Texas Road House?” Her smile was broken but, she tried to cheer up.

I didn’t want to eat but I nod my head for mom. I eat for her. Sarah smiled, “That sounds amazing Mrs. Larnes.” I felt bad for Sarah; she must feel awkward here in the car. She didn’t know dad, mom and she barely know me but, I guess; I guess I’m happy she’s here. She’s kind of like a pillar for me and maybe mom.

In mind it’s telling me to push Sarah away or she will die to or she will leave me in some way but, my heart says be happy and be depressed later but, if I push Sarah away now can’t I save myself from the torture now when she leaves me? I can. What about mom? I can’t just leave mom, can I? Should I leave or should I stay? Am I being too selfish?

It was awkward in the restaurant, three girls walking in and two girls with bloodshot eyes and Sarah was uncomfortable. Once we sat down we order our drinks and looked at the menus. “I think I’m getting a salad. I’m not really hungry. “I mumbled out looking at the menu.

“You need to eat.” I heard Sarah say next to me. I look over at her and noticed she gave me a look. “She’s right. The only time you eat is when I sent food to your room. But, did you really eat that?” Mom questioned me.

I nod my head at her, “I have eaten.” They looked like they didn’t believe me. Did I lose that much weight that they don’t believe me?

I looked around noticing everyone was smiling and laughing like their day has been perfect. I sigh closing my eyes; there are so many people here. I don’t feel right. I felt my body start to shake and I shook my head. I look up at Sarah and mom to see them look at me, worried. I shook my head at them.

“Are you okay?” Sarah asked putting her hand on my own hand. I shook my head and took a deep breath. It felt like things were moving when I know they weren’t. “Yeah, I’m okay,” I answered quietly. I put my head in my hands as the waiter came by and asked what we wanted. I never picked my head up but I answered what I wanted.

About half an hour later our food came to our table. No one spoke while we ate. I heard the laughing of everyone else around us. They all are so happy to be here with their friends, and family. My stomach began to turn and I felt like I was about to get sick. “I, I need to go to the bathroom.” Sarah nods her head moving out of the way as I quickly scoot out of the booth seat and quickly walk to the bathroom. My head was down and my hair was a shield. I looked up and saw a crowd of people and they were all smiling, talking to their loved ones. I shook my head and ran to the bathroom.

I sat on the floor of the handicap stall staring at the walls and cried. My hands to my face trying to stop the fall of tears, I can’t stop them at all. My stomach still turned, I crawled to the toilet and empty it all out of my stomach. Why was I getting sick? Stress or maybe I was catching a stomach virus. I don’t know. I lay on the floor not really caring if it was dirty or not. I just need a few seconds of rest. I didn’t want to get up but, I got up anyway. I flushed the toilet and washed my hands and walked out, trying to look normal.

Lying on my bed as Sarah was sitting on Lisa’s bed staring at me. She asked again and again if I was okay. And again and again, I respond the same, “Yeah, I’m okay.” She didn’t look so reassured, not one bit.

I heard mom on the phone, leaving messages to some and talking to some; telling them about dad’s death. Oh, dad. Why did you have to leave?  
“Hey, why don’t we do some face thingys?” Sarah asked smiling from ear to ear.

“Face thingys? You mean face masks?” I asked her as she nods her head excitedly. “I guess, that be cool.”


	5. Chapter Five

I stared over at Sarah sleeping on Lisa's bed. It's been a while since I looked over to see someone sleeping or even sitting on that bed. I slowly looked up at my ceiling, my thoughts were all over the place. I still couldn't believe my dad was dead.   
Who else is going to leave me? Mom? My friends have left me. They haven't texted or called me. Maybe they are giving me time to adjust. Maybe. Maybe I can get a hold of one or all of them. Maybe, maybe tomorrow.

In the morning I smelled French toast. Its smells amazing but at the same time, my stomach twisted as if I was about to get sick. I got up slowly, seeing Sarah still sleeping so I quietly sneaked out of my room and into the bathroom. I sat by the toilet and waited. When I was sure I wasn't about to get sick, I hopped into the shower and changed. 

Once I walked into the kitchen I seen Sarah was up. She smiled over at me and waved for me to sit. That's when mom set a plate of French toast and sausage down in front of me. I stared at it but picked up my fork up and started to eat small bites.   
"I'm going to have to leave soon. I got work at one." Sarah announced at the once quiet table. Mom smiled and nodded her head in understanding. "You can always come over anytime." Mom replied to her.   
About halfway through my French toast, I started to feel sick again. "I gotta go to the bathroom." After that, I walked quickly to the bathroom.   
It was gross. I hate puking. The bathroom was spinning, I didn't want to get up from the floor. Why does life have to be so mean? I mean Lisa dies then dad and now I'm sick or something. This sucks. 

I grabbed my head in frustration as I heard Sarah announcing she was leaving so I got up and out of the bathroom and said my goodbyes to her. I grabbed my cell phone and text my friend Lara. We have been friends for a year and a half. 

About an hour goes by when I got something back from her. At that hour; I cried. I just felt like it was my fault for everyone was leaving me. Lara and I talked for a while and decided to hang out at her place so I walked over there. Which I told my mom before I left the house. I knocked on the door to see her dad rushing me in so he could leave for work.

Lara was in the basement watching television and smoking cigarettes. "Hey, Sally." She says not really interested. "Hey Lara," I mumbled sitting next to her. We looked over at each other looking for changes.

"You look paler and skinnier. What have you been doing?" She asked as I shrugged. "Nothing really," I replied to her question.

"So what have you been up to?" I asked Lara as she looked back to the television. "You know the usual, partying, weed, drinking, sex. The normal stuff." I nod my head slowly. She and I were way different. I never had sex or drank a lot. I did smoke weed and party a lot with her. I kept her straight most of the time.   
"Sounds like fun," I commented, crossing my arms over my chest. 

"I have something to say to you. Why haven't you contacted me until now? Do you want something?" She said annoyed. "What? Why do you think that? I came over because you're my friend." I said to her. I felt offended that she even thought that.

"Well, you could have fooled me. You have talked to me in weeks." She says rolling her eyes at me. "Excuse me my sister died about a week ago and my dad just died last night. I have the right for some time to myself." I got up with her off the couch and looked at each other. 

"Yeah. Okay. Pull 'My dad is dead' card. I never heard of your dad passing your lying. " She says, smirking like she knew everything. 

"He just passed last night you, bitch!" I yelled at her. I was furious with her. I couldn't stand this right now so I just walked away and started to walk back to the park. 

The walk was full of my thoughts. Was this my fault also? Yes, yes it was. It was my fault because I was the one that contacted her in the first place. It was my fault that Lisa died which means it was my fault dad had passed so in the end, it was my fault for Lara to be piss at me. Are we even friends anymore? What happened? We were pretty good friends. I mean I remember when she slept with my boyfriend before but I forgave her for that. But maybe that was my fault also. 

I sat on the swing with my head in my hands, my vision was getting blurry. I rubbed my eyes to stop myself from crying again.   
Why me? Is there something wrong with me living? Are the Gods trying to tell me something?


	6. Chapter Six

I had no idea what was going on. Maybe Lisa was having problems in her life to freak out on me for nothing. Yeah, that’s it. Maybe I should give her space and see if she had text or call me. I looked down at my phone and sigh. Maybe John will be better?

No. He only hangs out with me because he had a crush on Lisa. Oh, Lisa…what am I going to do? I clutched my head pulling my hair a bit. I looked up at the sky; I wish I could fly away with the birds and the wind. Sit on the clouds as we drift off along the world. I can’t deal with things anymore. I haven’t played violin in a while.  
I walked home looking at the ground as I passed people. I heard laughter, turning around I swore I saw Lisa and I walking towards a small café but, once I blinked it was just two random teenagers having fun. I shook my head and continue to walk home.

The soccer field, I held fond memories there with mom, dad, and Lisa. We all did a little soccer game every week during the summer. It became less and less since Lisa and I were older. I set my head against the fence watching the soccer team kick the ball around.  
I wiped my eyes quickly to stop myself from crying any further.

Once I returned home I seen mom was home. She never went to work today, I’m guessing. I walked over to my room and picked up my violin but, once I played one note I just couldn’t bring myself to play anymore. I didn’t want to. So I sat it back in its case and sat on my bed staring at the wall. The wall was white with many pictures and posters around the room. I realized my life has become a drama show on Life Time.

I groaned as I laid back on my bed and sigh. I wish life was different. I wish I could live a happier life, where Lisa never died and dad live for another twenty years or so. I closed my eyes; images came flashing in the darkness. Lisa’s last moments, dad’s last words to his eyes looking dead. They looked dead just like Lisa’s eyes were. I don’t want to see another person die in front of me. It’s a horrible thing to witness.

I guess I fell asleep because I heard mom yelling at me for dinner. So I got up slowly, did I want to eat? I asked myself. I don’t feel so hungry, but I went to the kitchen anyways and ate something small with mom. After a few minutes I walked to the bathroom calmly but once inside I puked everything I ate. I’m sick, that’s all. I will feel better in a few days.

I brushed my teeth quickly and walked to my room. Mom was in my room looking at the many pictures of us. “I love this picture. I always have.” She pointed to the picture of the four of us smiling at the beach. I was about twelve in the picture so Lisa was fourteen.

“It was a fun day,” I mumbled as I sat down as mom smiled at me. “Let’s go down to the beach tomorrow. Ask Sarah if she wants to come.” Mom says as I nod my head at her as she walked out of my room. I texted Sarah and she replied that she would love to. So I guess that means I have to go.

I’m not really feeling like going to the beach. But I will for mom and Sarah. I guess. I shook my head and lay back down in my bed. I guess I should pack some things. I got up slowly and grabbed a simple string bag and started to pack a few things. Sunscreen, makeup (if I feel like putting any on), extra clothes, a book, sunglasses what else do I need to pack in case? Oh yeah, underwear and bra. I ask mom later. I know I will need my phone, charger, and wallet but, I can pack them tomorrow.  
The next morning it was around seven thirty and mom was waking me up and Sarah was already here. I shot up out of bed scared since mom was in my face when she woke me up. I went to the bathroom and took a quick shower and put on a pale blue one-piece bathing suit, and simple black eyeliner and a mascara and nude pink lipstick. I slipped on a pink tank top and stretchy white shorts and my black flip-flops. Not the plastic flip flops because they give me blisters but the material kind of flip flops and now I was ready for the beach.

In about an hour we were at the beach and relaxing. Mom was talking to one of her friends who so happened to be at the beach also and Sarah and I was just laying around on our towels in our bathing suits just talking.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not very proud of this Chapter.

Sarah and I have a good burn and it hurts to move. I know I will peel and stay pale but that will be all. No tan for me. I wonder if Sarah will tan or not. To me, she looks like the type of person that does burn really well.

"Hey, Sally. Help me put some aloe on." Sarah says as we were on my bed. At that time mom came in and smiled at us, "Take a bath using tea bags. It will work amazing." Mom says as she handed us a box of tea bags. I now remember when mom told Lisa and I the story about her tea bath and tried to use baby oil to tan but she only burn and peel and that was it. 

"That's a bit strange but okay." Sarah shrugged and walked over to the bathroom to take her tea bag bath to soothe her burn. The tea bags will draw out the heat in the sunburn so it will help the pain. I can't wait to relax in the tub.

I turned over to face my window staring out of it, thinking about the last few weeks. 

It has been a long few weeks filled with horrible events but why do I feel so relax a little bit? I should be a shame that I was having so much fun today. My sister and father are dead and I'm, I'm having fun. What kind of person does that? I am a horrible person. I could have saved Lisa if I came home earlier. If I never asked for more time from mom and dad. I could have stayed home instead of heading out. It's all my fault. I'm such a horrible friend, sister, daughter. 

Sarah came out of the bathroom an hour later. "Your turn, darling." She smiles at me and handed me the box of tea bags. I nod my head as I got up and took my bath. I decided to put some bubbles in it. I have no idea if that will beat the propose but I like some bubbles. 

My head was resting on the back of the tub when I heard a whisper of my name. It sounded like dad. I was confused and looked around but, I saw no one. But then I looked in front of me and saw Lisa drenched in the bath water. Her wet hands reached out to me. And I screamed. 

Mom and Sarah came running in a second later. "What's wrong?!" Mom yelled, she looked like she was about to have a heart attack.  
"I fell asleep and had a bad dream," I mumbled as mom sigh in relief. "You know you shouldn't fall asleep in the tub. I should just be glad your okay." She says helping me out as Sarah grabbed my towel for me. Soon after I was dressed and calmed. Everyone else seemed calm about it too. Soon Sarah left to go home. She can't be here all the time. She has her own family and she has a job. Maybe I should study some just because. No, I don't feel like studying. Violin? No, don't want to do that either. Video games? I guess that sounds good. 

I went into the living room and turned on my Wii to play Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword. I played for about ten minutes and turned it back off. Why? Because I just didn't want to play it. So I went back to my room and just started to write. What about? I have no idea. My hand was just writing. I let my hand write with a black pen in hand. I scribbled words down, my feelings my thoughts. Anything I wanted to was written in this subject notebook. It didn't make sense as I read it back. Everything was scrambled. One moment I'm talking about Lisa and her death, the next the beach, then meeting Sarah and how I been getting sick lately, then father's death. Then a small poem that I'm just too embarrassed to say. 

I closed my journal that I been thinking about writing inside every night now. Will I do it? Time will only tell, I guess. I set the journal under my bed and laid on my bed, staring at my ceiling.


	8. Chapter Eight

Sarah has been calling and texting me all the time. It’s a bit annoying but I can get used to it. I have no one else anyways so at least she’s here for me. I never spoke to her about Lisa or dad. She never asked, never said a word about it. I guess she is just waiting for me to say something about it. I’m glad about that. I don’t want no, one to push me to spill my feelings out.

I knock was heard at my door and I closed my journal and walked towards my door. When I opened my door mom was standing in the hallway. Here we go. She has been trying to get me to open up. But I can’t. I won’t. I don’t want to. Mom has enough stress. I will just burden her.

“Sally-“ She stopped and sighed looking down at me. “I just want you to be yourself again. To be that happy, outgoing girl, I knew.” She says as I cross my arms. “Mom I never left. I just lost most of my friends. Don’t worry I will be fine. I just need time to myself.” I replied to her as I walked back to my desk where my journal was lying upon it. “If you say so, darling.” She says as she leaned against the threshold of my door. “I’m going to town for dinner. Want anything?” She asks.  
“No. But thanks anyway.” I say as she nods her head and walked off. I turned back to my journal opening it up and writing in it.

“Sometimes it feels like everything is moving in slow motion. I don’t understand why. Not really. I don’t want to it and when I do, I get sick. I thought at first maybe because I got the flu or a virus or a stomach bug. Something! It pretty much started after dad died. When it got worse. I know, I know I stopped one or two meals after Lisa’s death.

Lisa. Oh, Lisa. I wish you were here to help me. Maybe you know what’s going on. What is happening to me? Sometimes I feel like You and Dad is with me but you both are angry at me. Is it my fault you both are dead?

Dad, you died from medical problems but maybe if I was more open you wouldn’t have to stress out so much.  
Lisa, your death was my fault. It's all my fault. I wish I can fix it so badly. I’m sorry.”

I looked over towards the window that was next to me. It was still summer, a month into summer. I see the neighbor mowing his lawn and his wife was outside in the garden. Mr. and Mrs. Mentsin. An old couple they are so nice. They use to babysit Lisa and me when we were kids when mom and dad have to work late or going on a small trip when they needed to. I remember those days well.

I looked down at my journal and began to write once more.  
“Remember the days Lisa and I ran around the house trying to play hide and seek or tag. Mom would yell at us to stop. To listen to her. But we never did, we continued to do what we wanted to do. Fight, play, hitting each other whatever we were doing at the time.  
And dad you use to tell mom Lisa and I needed to argue. Its what sibling do. What we needed to learn from. Our mistakes. And I made so many mistakes. So many.  
I’m so sorry.

I will be in my senior year. I will be graduating this year.  
You both won’t see me walk with my class. Maybe I won’t even see myself walk.”


	9. Chapter Nine

I walked along the bridge once more. I sat on the edge of side looking down below. I never know why people jump to there death. Was it painful? Was it fast? I won't know unless I jump. Will I jump? I'm not so sure. I'm lost where I am. I don't to be here but at the same time, I do. Why? Maybe because I will feel bad for leaving mom. Who will she have if I leave? 

I stared down just thinking. Thoughts rushed through my head before I could finish one thought process. Words, sentences, names were rushed into my mind and I couldn't keep up with them. I pulled away from the water below the bridge and looked up at the gray clouds. Ironic, isn't it. Almost like someone is writing a story about my life and made the weather reflect my mood. How cheesy and stupid. 

The school will start soon. Senior year, I should be excited but I'm not. I don't know if I can face everyone. I feel so pressured and boxed in for no reason. Was this how Lisa felt when she went through depression. So many emotions? Can't stay to be happy and become sick for no reason? God, I never thought about it. Am I depressed? I'm not sure. 

A few months later and it was the first day of school. I didn't want to go, it took mom twenty minutes to get me up and dressed. I took the school bus like always and sat by the window looking out listening to 'Help The People' by Birdy. A boy sat next to me in three sitters but he nor I said anything and I never cared. As long as he didn't bug me then it was fine by me. 

A few minutes later I was standing in front of the school doors. I stared at them, contemplating if I should go in or not. I should go in. They do call home so mom would know if I went or not. So I went in and saw a bunch of people in groups talking and laughing. I felt my hands sweating, there were so many people here. My head felt dizzy but I kept walking. I walked to my homeroom and sat down. This is going to be a long day.

After school I sat on the bridge again, I was remembering the school day. People stared at me and I felt their eyes on me while I was walking by. I heard them whispering things behind me, in front of me. A few of my old friends came up to me but they stared at me with pity and it didn't make me feel any better. It made me worse. I don't want pity. I felt so claustrophobic being in school. 

Alex's eyes stared into mine. He was sad, he pities me I can tell. "Hey. Sorry about-" I cut him off by glaring at him and he sighed. He shook his head at me. "You look like your losing weight." Again I never answered him. "Are you going to say something?" He asked me I stared back up at him.   
"Not until you say the right things," I said towards him. He opened his mouth then closed it once again. We sat next to each other in our Health class. The teacher was talking about some of the things we were going over.

"Depression, eating disorders, sex, drugs..." Was all I heard from her speech.  
I jumped back into reality as I felt something wet on my face and noticed it was raining. I went to turn around to get off of the side of the bridge until I lost my footing and grip and started to fall off the bridge. 

Everything froze, was I about to die? Will it be painful or quick?


	10. Chapter Ten

There are train tracks through town. I always felt calm around the tracks but today not so much. Sarah walked next to me talking to me but I wasn't listening. "Hey, Sally." I turned to look at her. "I-I need to talk to you." I looked at her confused. "What is it?" She smiled slightly at me. 

"I just want to let you know I'm here for you. I know its been hard for, for the past few months but I'm here for you." She smiled at me while grabbing my hand and started to swing it as we started to walk again. I nod my head at her still not talking. Should I say something to her? I'm not so sure. I wanted Lisa to talk to me about what her problems were. So could someone be me in this situation? All the could and ifs. If only I was brave enough to talk. But at the same time, I don't want to talk about it. I want to talk about something that was not that. 

"How has school been?" I asked Sarah. She looked up surprised that I said something to her but her face brighten up and she looked excited. And she started to talk about her day. 

Around six in the evening, I was home alone, mom was at work and Sarah had to be home for dinner. I got up and went to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I stared at it for a few minutes. Should I take something? I hate medicine. 

I walked away.

The next few hours I kept going back to the medicine cabinet and walking away. Mom came back on my last trip from the bathroom. Mom asked me if I ate and of course, I said yes which wouldn't be a total lie. I ate an apple. An apple a day keeps the doctors away. Mom smiled at me as I sat at the table with her as she ate dinner. We talked a bit about our day. She looked happier that I was talking to her even if it was a little bit. But after a bit, I excused myself to go to sleep. Tomorrow was Saturday so no school, yay for me. 

I woke up the next day, yawning. I was still tired, I want to go back to sleep but I forced myself up and out of bed. Mom left already for work and I saw a few texts from Sarah saying she be over at one today. I took a quick shower and dressed in pajamas because I don't want to leave the house today. 

Yesterday was bearable but today is horrible. Lisa was everywhere. In the mirror in the bathroom, the reflection on the television. I heard her voice I heard dad's voice. They were chanting to me, "Come to join us." I covered my eyes, shut my eyes tightly whispering go away over and over again. I shook my head as I sat in the hallway floor. I was going crazy. What is going on with me?

I crawled my way to my room and on to my bed. Lisa sat on my floor as I laid on my bed staring up at the ceiling. "Little sister Sally. Come with me. I miss you." She whispered into my ear I started to cry, "I miss you too." I whispered as I sobbed. "Why? Why did you leave us?" I asked her but she smiled at me. "Its always fun on the other side. Come. join me. You see dad too." Lisa called me. She grabbed my hand and bought me in our mom's room to her bathroom. I looked at Lisa and she nods her head to the medicine cabinet and I opened it. Mom's sleeping aids. I grabbed the bottle and went to the kitchen to get some milk and went into my room with a glass of milk. I opened the bottle of pills and dumped them on my bed. No idea why but I did. And I took them two by two till there was only five left where I started to get dizzy. I stood up and I could barely walk. Everything was spinning I felt like I wasn't even controlling my own body. I finally feel to the floor halfway into the bathroom. I heard a scream and someone running towards me.

I heard a voice and I saw- was that Sarah? She was on the phone as she hugged me. I felt wetness on my cheek. 

Then everything went black. 

I woke up and I was at the railroad tracks again and a bright light was on the end of the railroad tracks and I started to walk towards them.


	11. Chapter Eleven

I heard a loud horn and I bolted upwards. Where am I? I barely remembered what happened. The walls are white and the beeping. Why is there beeping? I looked towards to the noise it was a heart monitor. I guess I am in the hospital. Sarah. She was there. She must have called for an ambulance. I notice my mom sleeping in a chair, She did not look very comfortable in the chair. Her back is going to hurt her. That is when it hit me. Mom would be all alone if I had died. She had to bury her eldest daughter, her husband and she would have to bury me. I would leave her alone because of my own grief. I am so selfish. Why did I have to be like this? I am a horrible person.

The door squeaked open, I looked up to see a nurse smiling at me. "I see you are awake. That is good." He said as he walked over to my check on me. "After we make sure you are well we are taking you to a crisis center. Where they can help you with medications and such." The nurse explained. I nod my head slowly thinking it might be best for me. Not like I will have a choice. I am not an adult so mom has the authority over me of what to do.

"Sally." I looked over to see mom starting to wake up. She got up quickly sobbing as she grabbed a hold of me. "What were you thinking?" She quietly yelled at me. I held her as I started to cry also. "I miss dad and Lisa," I whispered, she shushed me as she rocked me back and forth.

We heard the door opening up again and we perked up and looked over to see Sarah coming in. She carried some flowers and some food. "Sally! You're up! I'm so happy!" She set the flowers down by the sink and sat on the edge of the bed grabbing my hand. "Don't ever scare us like that again!" She scolded me as if I was a child. "Sorry." Was the only thing I could say. Mom dropped her arms to her side.

"Eat," Mom commanded me as she grabbed the Chinese food container. "We can share this food." She said. "You can have some of mine too if you like!" Sarah brought her container over. "I'm not really hungry." I really wasn't but they didn't listen to me. They forced a fork in my hand and put the food in my face. I ate even though it wasn't a whole lot but I did it.

We sat there talking about anything besides what had happened two nights ago. It hurt them, I hurt them because of what I did. A few hours passed by and a doctor came in. "We want to transfer her to the crisis center in an hour." Doctor Melbourne told my mother. I wasn't allowed to have anything that could harm me. So I can't shave my legs or underarms. I am going to look like a gorilla when I leave that place.

A few hours later and I am situated at the crisis center. I had my own room. It was small and simple almost like the hospital. A tv, a dresser, a writing desk by the window and a bed. The walls were white and the floor was white and blue tile. Mom and Sarah looked around as I did. "Well, at least you have somewhere to sit beside the bed. You can write your feelings in a journal." Sarah commented. "That is true. Hopefully, I don't go crazy while I am in here." Mother tsked at me shaking her head. "You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something wrong with you. It is for the better for you to be here. They can help you. I wish you had talked to me. I don't want to bury another baby of mine." I nod my head and again the only thing I could say was "I'm sorry."

Soon they had to leave because visiting hours were over and I was left alone. Mom had signed a bunch of papers and talked to this new doctor about medications and therapy for me. I start everything tomorrow morning. I know I am not going to like this but maybe it was for the best for me.


End file.
